As your child reaches adolescences and enter puberty, they might consider other sexual orientations besides heterosexuality. Learning more about how a person chooses their preference can help you understand your child and their decision. Helping your teenager understand their sexuality can lessen confusion and help them be more confident in their decision.
What Helps A Person Determine Their Sexuality
What causes a person to be attracted to another? Does the person take into consideration their gender or physical appearance? Sexual orientation can be influenced by childhood experiences, environment, cultural influences, and gender identity. In some instances, one factor may have more influences over others.
However, what determines a person’s sexual orientation is not based upon just one factor. A person takes into consideration what gender role they want and their needs from a partner. There are several different sexual orientations, and it can be difficult for someone to be identified as just one. Some people do not take gender into consideration when choosing their partner, making them more fluid in finding one.
In a traditional sense, others do not question heterosexuality and do not question their attraction to the opposite sex. Regardless of one’s preference, some believe that sexual orientation is not a choice but something that is predetermined when a person is born. Influences and experiences in childhood is where a person begins shaping their views and identity, helping them to realize their sexual orientation later in adolescences.
How Sexual Orientation Can Change in Early Childhood
During childhood, a person develops cognitive skills, and their personality starts to take shape. They learn from their environment and the people around them. Although sexual orientation develops later in adolescence, some people know early in life if they are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, etc. During this time, a child is easily influenced, and they inherited the characteristics from their environment.
Traditionally, most parents raised their children as heterosexual. However, this sexual orientation isn’t always inherited by the child. Though a child is guided to be heterosexual, an event or experience can change their course of identifying with their intended sexual orientation. For example, a young child identified as male may be interested in feminine things such as makeup and dresses. A child identified as female may be interested in more masculine things such as football and dirt biking. However, these interests alone do not determine one’s sexual orientation.
Attraction can develop when a person receives emotional support and interest from someone, no matter if it is from the same sex or the opposite. Young children tend to think that the opposite sex is gross or in some instance, have cooties. This can lead to young children being attracted to the same sex because of their treatment from the opposite sex. Nevertheless, when a young child steps outside the social norms of their gender role, it can be very concerning for parents or caregivers.
Such behavior makes them enforce heterosexuality on a child even more. “Those children who step outside the boundaries of ‘compulsory heterosexuality’ generally find themselves the target of adult and peer regulatory practices” (Robinson 2019). Parents enforcing heterosexuality on their children only causes strain on their relationship which diminishes their support system that they will need later in life.
How Experimentation Might Help Your Teenager Choose Their Sexual Orientation
Sexual orientation is the physical or romantic attraction to someone. The physical or romantic attraction can be between the opposite sex, same sex, or both. There are some arguments when a person’s sexual orientation is determined. The process of awareness, experimentation, and acceptance of the unfolding sexual orientation takes time. “It generally begins in adolescence, continues through emerging and even early adulthood, and may continue to evolve beyond early adulthood” (Rosario 2019).
Throughout adolescence a person can explore their sexuality and determine their preference. Being amongst peers who are also trying to find themselves can help a person who is unsure or sometimes it can be detrimental. Heterosexism can be dominant amongst adolescences especially in high school. During this time, an adolescent is undergoing biological and mental changes. They crave acceptance from their peers and do not want to be single out for being homosexual or bisexual.
Being bisexual can be exceptionally hard while trying to be accepted as an adolescent. “Bisexual young women reported higher levels of depressive symptoms and internalized heterosexism” (Mclaren and Castillo 2020). A person forcing themselves to go against their sexual orientation is detrimental to them being secure with themselves and living a healthy lifestyle.That’s why helping your teenager understand their sexuality is so important.
Why Peer Pressure and Rejection From Family Can Be Detrimental
There are various reasons why parents want their child to be heterosexual. It may be because of religious reasons or unfair treatment that their child may face because of their sexuality. Another reason my be that parents believe that heterosexuality is “normal” compared to other sexual orientations. The rejection from family and friends can be destructive and only makes the person more determine to live in their truth.
However, some parents do not realize that those that were rejected as children because of their sexual orientation will have negative consequences later in life. A study conducted concluded that “gay-related rejection sensitivity was positively associated with the number of condom less anal sex acts with casual partners, and condom use self-efficacy mediated this association” (Wang 2016). This type of behavior can lead to the increase chance of contracted sexually transmitting diseases that sometimes shorten the lifespan of the person suffering from rejection.
Because of the lack of support and rejection from those close to them, bisexual, homosexual, pansexual, etc. people must look for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. However, this isn’t the case for everyone who does not follow the path of heterosexuality. Most people go on to have a partner, children, and a fulfilling life. Having a different sexual orientation than the social norm is more acceptable than it was forty years ago.Helping your teenager understand their sexuality and being supportive from the beginning can save them from become mentally distress because of their orientation.
The LGBTIQ+ has made some progress with having equal rights such as same sex marriage, putting an end to discrimination in the workplace, and gaining benefits such as health insurance. With love and acceptance, your teenager can find their true sexual orientation and their gender identity.
How Gender Identity Can Affect Sexual Orientation
Gender identity is a factor that plays a key role in determining sexual orientation. Gender identity is the gender that a person identifies by and it does not have to be the same gender a person was assigned at birth. What a person identify as can affect who they are attracted to. A person identified as male can have the gender identity of male and the same can go for women, but they prefer the same sex.
However, feeling the opposite of one’s assigned gender can conflict with identifying their sexual orientation because they have the incorrect gender role. For example, a person assigned male may be attracted to other men, but their gender identity is female. A person assigned female can be attracted to other females, but their gender identity is male.
In these instances, a person knows their sexual orientation, but their reproductive organs do not match their true gender identity. In order to resolve the conflict, some undergo sex reassignment surgery. “If gender identity once derived from the sexed body, the sexed body must now be brought into alignment with gender identity” (Gonsalves 2020). Once the mind and the body are in synch, a person can pursue the partner they desire.
After having gender reassignment surgery, it can make a person more comfortable and confident in pursuing a romantic relationship without being viewed as homosexual. Though some may argue that this only encourages heterosexism. An example of this is a fictional character from the television series ‘POSE’. Elektra identified as a woman although she still had her assigned male genitalia.
She struggled with feeling like a real woman and eventually she underwent gender reassignment surgery. After the procedure, she was more confident in herself and finding a partner. Even though a person may become transgendered, they can still be in a same sex relationship or marriage. One obstacle that transgendered people face is determining if they should disclose the fact that they are transgendered.
Everyone does not identify a transgender male or female as a real man or woman, though that is their true gender identity. This is an obstacle that some transgenders face. Some transgendered people find acceptance, however, some face backlash from society because of their sexual orientation and gender identity. People who are conflicted between their assigned sex and gender identity does not always undergo reassignment surgery. They learn to embrace their true gender identity and find acceptance. Helping your teenager understand their sexuality will help them to feel comfortable with who they are even if they are being judge for doing so.
How Your Support Will Help Boost Your Teenager’s Self Confidence
When a parent finds out that their child is gay, bisexual, etc., it can be difficult to know what to do next. The main thing that your child needs is your love and acceptance. Your child should be able to be open and honest with you without judgement or ridiculed. You should not stop loving or disown your child because of their sexual orientation.
Some parents might think that they went wrong or wasn’t as protective of their child as they should have been. No one truly knows what factors determine sexual orientation in teenagers. Allow your child to explore who they are. At the end of the day you are their parent. Having your support will help them to find their footing in this world. They need your love and understanding.
Even if you do not agree with their preference, your love for your child should never waver. It doesn’t matter if you think that their sexual orientation is wrong. However it is wrong to criticized or judge someone based off their preference. It may take some time for you and your child to adjust. If you need more information on helping your teenager understand their sexuality, visit familyequality.org.
References
Rosario, M. (2019, September). Sexual orientation development of heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, and gay individuals: Questions and hypotheses based on Kaestle’s (2019) research. Journal of Sex Research, 56(7), 827-831. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1590796
Mclaren, S., & Castillo, P. (2020, December 14). The relationship between a sense of belonging to the lgbtiq + community, internalized heterosexism, and depressive symptoms among bisexual and lesbian women. Journal of Bisexuality. doi:10.1080/15299716.2020.1862726
Gonsalves, T. (2020, December). Gender identity, the sexed body, and the medical making of transgender. Gender & Society, 34(6), 1005-1033. doi:10.1177/0891243220965913
Robinson, K. H., & Davies, C. (2019). A sociological exploration of childhood sexuality: A discursive analysis of parents’ and children’s perspectives. In 1226817614 912003792 S. Lamb & 1226817615 912003792 J. Gilbert (Eds.), (Cambridge handbooks in psychology, pp. 54-75). New York, NY: Cambridge University Press. Retrieved March 3, 2021, from APA PsycInfo.
Wang, K., & Pachankis, J. E. (2016, April). Gay-related rejection sensitivity as a risk factor for condomless sex. AIDS and Behavior, 20(4), 763-767. doi:10.1007/s10461-015-1224-6
