By Charlie Daily
Photo: Depositphotos.com
After you have children, it is very easy to push everything to the back burner, including yourself, and develop a “kids first” mentality . Even when some mothers have every intentions on still maintaining their own identity and time for themselves, most of the time this becomes a fantasy.
Although being a parent is the most important job you can ever have, you shouldn’t have a “kids first” approach to parenting. Having this type of mind set can lead to mental and physical exhaustion, little to no alone time, and having no idea who you are outside of being a mom.
This doesn’t mean that your children should not receive the love and support they need to thrive. Every child should be loved and care for. However, that does not mean that you must neglect yourself while trying to be a great mother.
Learning how to balance the needs of you and your children should be your top priority. When you are able to take care of yourself and your needs, your children will reap the benefits of you maintaining self care.
Mental & Physical Exhaustion
Children are mentally and physically demanding. From needing to be changed to needing to be entertained, the exhaustion adds up quickly. As a mother, you want to make sure that your child has everything they need and then some. However, this is the fastest way to a major burn out or melt down.
Some mother are so tied up into being their children’s everything, that they neglect themselves. Some go without eating, sleeping, and even showering. How does neglecting yourself make you a better mother?
With the constant doctor appointments, soccer practice, ballet, and other errands that need to be completed, your body becomes exhausted. Then there is the onset headaches and migraines from the stress and lack of sleep from the previous night.
Self care is even more important when you become a parent because the mental distress can spill over into your physical health. When you become stressed, you can develop aches and pains. These are signs that your body are telling you to slow down. Even in the rare situation where you are not mentally affected by being a parent, the constant toting of the kids, chores, and working can do significantly damage to your body.
SAHMs Have it Easy
If you are a stay at home mom, it gets worse. There is the stigma that SAHM have it easy because they do not have to go to the workplace. What some don’t realize is that a SAHM is always in her workplace. There is no breaks or time outs.
Always putting your kids first means that there is a high chance that you will feel overwhelmed and agitated. Children are mentally demanding and your patience is constantly being tested. This is more prominent with SAHMs because they do not get as much time away from their children compared to moms that work.
Is there compromising and sacrifice involved in parenting? Of course, but that doesn’t mean that you have to give everything you have until it is nothing left? It doesn’t matter if you are a SAHM, a working mom, or somewhere in between, mothering is a job that you can not slack on.
Being a SAHM myself, I realized that I do not have to do everything by myself. I had the mindset that sense I did not have to go out into the workforce, I should be able to handle my duties of being a SAHM with no breaks in between. However researchers say that being a full time parent is equivalent to having two full time jobs. You can’t really argue with science can you? I lowered my expectations of becoming a robot and realized that the best of us need an occasional break.
Why Time Away From Your Kids is Important
Being a SAHM, alone time is my favorite time of the day. My kids are amazing. However, with the constant playing, crying, needing to be fed, it becomes a bit much. I am grateful for my children and it took a lot to get them here, but sometimes I just need some space.
Children do not ask for attention, they demand it. Even when you think you have tired them out, a short fifteen minute nap in the car will rejuvenate them completely. Meanwhile my eyes are weary and I am fighting a sensory overload.
Having some time away from your children gives you time to miss them. When I am able to get an hour or two away from my children, I am happy and relaxed. But then I begin to miss them. The silence is like a guilty pleasure. Then when we are reunited and the chaos continues, I ask myself, “Why did I miss them again?”
The Harsh Reality
Take time out for yourself. Go on a date. Take a nap. Get your nails done.Start new hobby. Just show yourself love and self care. When you begin to tend to your own needs, you won’t mind putting your kids first, in fact you will enjoy it.
