Having a baby can strengthen a marriage or be the cause of its downfall. Although there could be underline issues before baby’s arrival, the strain of taking care of the little one can push both people to their breaking points. Every parent wants to give their child a loving and caring environment for their child, ideal with both parents present. However, with the stress of caring for a newborn and unresolved issues, some couples may ask themselves, “Should I divorce after baby?”
What Causes Relationship Breakdown After Baby
After you give birth, your hormones begin to change dramatically. These changes take place so you are able to bond. A newborn needs around-the-clock care from feedings to changing diapers, it gets overwhelming very quickly. With a lack of sleep and self-care, tension begins to rise between you and your partner. Your partner most likely feels the same way leading to constant arguing.
Whether you want to or not, when a baby arrives you lose a part of your identity. A baby takes over who you are because your main duty is to care and nurture them. During the early months of life, you and your baby will spend quite some time together, leaving little to no time for you and your personal interests and hobbies. You are no longer just a wife, your occupation, or hobbies. You are a mother to a little human who depends solely on you and your partner to care for them.
When your spouse can not or refuses to do the share of the work, this leads to resentment. Some people are under the impression that mothers are supposed to do all the work. That is so far from the truth. A mother needs help especially during the first year of life of her baby. According to the CDC, 1 out of 10 women in the United States report symptoms of depression after having a baby. With constant arguing, loss of identity, and little to no help, divorce after baby doesn’t feel so taboo.
Here Are Common Reasons Why Some Couples Contemplate Divorce After Baby
1. Lack of Attention
Between caring for your newborn baby and yourself, it can seem that you have little to no time for your spouse. However, this contributes to the decline of your marriage. A marriage is a constant work in progress and needs to be tended to by you and your spouse. Your partner should put effort if not more into resolving this issue. Let your spouse know that you want to spend some time together. Spending a little quality time with your spouse can make all the difference and help resolve issues.
2. No Empathy
Sometimes your partner doesn’t alway understand how you feel or how difficult things are after having a baby. When someone close to you does not show empathy and compassion, it can cause a drift in the relationship. Most of the time when a baby is born, the mother is the primary care giver. Although we make this task look easy, it is extremely difficult. Whether you are a first time mother or a veteran, a woman needs a sound support system to help maintain her while navigating motherhood. Lack of empathy can make you have a negative view on your partner and can permanently change how you view them.
3. Little to no Time Away From Baby
In most instances, a mother is extremely protective of her newborn child and don’t want to let them out of her sight. However, constantly being tethered to a newborn is daunting mentally and physically. During the early months of its life, a baby will cry the most. This is very stressful when you can’t stop the constant crying or you become easily overwhelmed by it. Thats why time away from your baby is so important. Find a trusted family member or have your spouse tend to the baby while you get some free time.
4. Lack of Intimacy
Who wants to be intimate after caring for a baby all day? But this is something that you should consider when you have a little down time away from baby. Being intimate with your partner can help rekindling your connection you had before baby arrived. It is typical for a woman to not have intercourse during the first six weeks after giving birth. But once you have clearance from your doctor, plan a romantic night for you and your spouse.
Ways to Save A Marriage
1. Have Date Night
You or your spouse should plan a romantic night out together. Get a babysitter and go to a restaurant that requires you to dress up. Catch a movie or take a romantic walk. Try taking turns so that no ones feels like they are doing more than the other.
2. Improve Communication
It is very important that there is communication in your marriage. Listen to each other and give your partner a safe place to express their feelings and emotions. A marriage is a team effort. With communication, it is possible to come up with a resolution to your issues that don’t result in divorce.
3. Give Each Other Space
Taking a little time away from your spouse can give you both time to clear your heads. Spending too much time with your spouse when you are already overwhelmed will only contribute to the problem. Spend some time with your family and friends. Once you have cleared your mind, it is easier for you to make a sound decision.
4. Seek Counseling
If you and your partner can not come to a mutual understanding, it is time to bring in an unbiased party. Counseling can help you work out your issues and get to the root cause of them. Most insurance plans offer a limit amount of sessions before there are any out of pocket costs. You should take advantage of this resource in order to save your marriage.
Things to Remember
No one plans to have a divorce after baby. Only you know if your marriage is worth saving. If your partner is trying, you owe it to them, yourself, and your baby to put forth effort into save your family. Every child deserves a loving family with both parents in the home. However depending on certain factors, a child is provided a better life when the parents are no longer together. A can be a contribution to whether or not a marriage last but is should not be the deciding factor.