Having a new baby can be exciting for most. However it might be the worse time for your your little one. When a new baby is introduced into your family, dynamics change pretty drastically. The new baby will required constant attention and around the clock care in the beginning. This can make your toddler feel less important and much more needier. Your older child will do anything to maintain their position in the family. This can be especially hard for an only child. However with compassion, love, and understanding your children will begin to bond. Here are 7 tips on how to stop regression in toddler after new baby.
Signs Toddler is Jealous of New Baby
- Crying more than usual
- Having multiple accidents
- Not listening
- Not wanting to communicate
- Reduction in their independence
Tips of How to Stop Regression in Toddler After New Baby
1. Communicate
When a new baby is about to arrive, you should inform your child of this. Your toddler should be the first person that you tell. Explain to them that they will have a sibling. Let them know that a new baby requires a lot of attention but they are just as important as the new baby. When you bring your new baby home make sure that you are in communication with your toddler. Ask them how do they feel about having a sibling and if they need anything.
If your child starts misbehaving, do not dismiss it as they they are having a bad day. They might be feeling neglected. Talk with them or let them draw a picture to express how they feel. Ask your child what they need and try to accommodate them. Do not lose your temper or take your frustration out on them. Knowing that you care will mean a world of difference to them.
2. Help Strengthen the Sibling Bond
One thing that I did to make my daughter feel more comfortable about us bringing a new baby home is giving her a gift from her new sibling. I made sure that the gift would be something that she would love to soften the blow of not being the only child anymore. I bought her a rainbow teddy bear and a Frozen toy. I didn’t spend too much but she loved both gifts.
I told my daughter that these gifts were from her brother. She asked how did he know that she liked rainbows and Frozen. I told her that he told me while he was in my stomach. She thought that was so amazing and it made her feel loved that her baby brother was thinking about her. She still sleeps with the bear he gave her but doesn’t allow him to touch or play with it.
3. Spending Quality Alone Time
When We brought my son home, my daughter experience severe regression. She started peeing on herself often. She has been potty trained sense she was two and hates to be dirty. However she would pee on herself all the time. She would even pee in her booster seat and the store. I did not know what regression in children was until I took her to the doctor.
I thought she might have had diabetes or something because I would ask her why did she pee on herself and she would say she couldn’t hold it. Frequent urination and the urge to pee all the time is a very common sign of diabetes in children. These accidents started after we brought our son home. Turns out she was completely health and wanted my attention. I was so busy caring for my son I forgot that my daughter needed one on one time with me and not just her father.
I started making sure that my daughter and I had quality time together through out the day. No baby or Daddy, just me and her. During this quality time I would talk with her and reassure her that just because a new baby is here she will always be my baby. I also apologized for being so busy with the new baby and not spending time with her.
She forgave me after I gave her ice cream, hug, and kiss. I told her no matter how busy I am, I want her to come yo me when she has a problem or feeling sad,To this day my daughter tells me everything that is bothering her and that gives me comfort that she trusts me enough to solve problems for her.
4.Let Your Toddler Help Care for the New Baby
One way to help with regression in toddler after new baby is allowing them to help take care of their new sibling. At first I was mapprehensive about letting my daughter help me with her brother. However it was actually fun for the both of us and she actually did help me tremendously. She would help me clean my breast pump, bring me items that I needed, and brushed her brother’s hair when needed.
As her brother got older, she learned how to comfort him without me asking. She wanted to help and take care of him and that gave me reassurance that their bond would be strong. My son also reciprocated the gesture as he gotten older. He tries to comb her hair, feed her, and gives her hugs even if she doesn’t want them.
My daughter is 5 and my son is 1. All the love my daughter gave my son has paid off. They take care of each other and my daughter is very protective of her baby brother. I know that they will continue to take care of each other as they get older.
5.Don’t Compare Children
While admiring your new baby it is important that you don’t compare your children. When you compare your children, you are turning them against each other. Comparing children will make them believe that they need to compete for your love and affection. This will drive a wedge between them.
If your older child is having issues with regression, don’t say things like “The new baby doesn’t cry as much as you” or “You are older and you shouldn’t act like this”. Instead teach your older child to process their feelings and thoughts. Let them know that the sooner they tell you what’s wrong, the sooner you can help them solve the problem. Don’t assume since your toddler is older that they won’t be needy after the new baby arrives.
If anything they will become more needy because they want to make sure that they are loved just as much as your newborn. Remember to not be critical or mean. If the issue is something you know they can fix on their own like getting a toy or going to the bathroom, let them take the lead while you assist them.
6.Don’t Punish Your Child For Regressing
Trying to take care of a newborn baby and deal with a child that is regressing is difficult and overwhelming. However it is important that you do not punish your child for regressing. If you are finding that things are becoming too much, ask for help. Do not punish or criticize your child for the way they feel or act.
It can be frustrating when your older child acts like a baby. You might think that they are doing this on purpose. They are but not for the reasons you may think. They need attention and reassurance and sometimes they can not convey that information to you. If your child is unable to speak or is non verbal you must analyze their actions and not dismiss it as just bad behavior.
If your child is misbehaving, I’m not saying that they should get a “get out of jail free” card. But you must ask yourself is your child misbehaving because they are rebelling or do they need attention because they are feeling neglected?
7.Show Your Toddler That They Can Do Things the New Baby Can’t
When I brought my son home, my husband and I had to do everything for him. Newborn babies literally can not do anything for themselves. My daughter would ask, why are you doing this or that for him. I told her that her brother can not do anything for himself. He has to wear diapers and drink from a bottle we have to hold.
I told her that since she is a big girl, she can feed herself and go to the bathroom on her own. I highlighted her independence while not criticizing her brother for not having any. She realized that I was not showing favorites or not giving her the same attention on purpose, but that my son needed help to thrive and grow.
Her brother can now play with her and he does not need nearly as much attention as he did in the first months of his life. Both of them are getting the attention that they need and my daughter is comfortable in her role as the big sister.
How Long For Toddler to Adjust to New Baby?
Dealing with regression in toddler after new baby will take time and patience. There is no specific timeline on when your child will stop regressing. My daughter stop regressing completely when my son turned about four or five months. If nothing seems to work for you and your family, contact your child’s pediatrician. They will be able to give you advice and refer you to someone that can better assist you with regression in children. For more information on regression in toddler after new baby, visit unicef.org.
