This post is about how to move on
When someone one has offended you, sometimes you and the person might take some time away from each other to get your thoughts and feelings together. During this time, you might think about the events that led to this point. The other person may be thinking about how their actions affected you. Time away can be beneficial, however, it is not a substitute for an apology. When someone apologizes, they are acknowledging that their actions were offensive and unacceptable.
Apologizing allows the person to help you heal your wounds no matter the size. In the event that a person does not apologize, it shows that they lack accountability. Sometimes it is hard for a person to admit that they are wrong, however, that does not excuse them from apologizing. You can heal without an apology but depending on the degree of hurt, it can help you heal faster. When you know that a person has remorse for their actions, it makes it easier for you to learn how to move on.
Residue of Hurt
When someone does not acknowledge the pain that they have caused you or they don’t understand your loss or betrayal, it can make your healing process even longer. There are some reasons why a person doesn’t want to apologize. One reason is that they might be ashamed of their actions. Imagine betraying someone that has been there for you, and they did not deserve it. It can cause others to take a closer look at that person’s character and morals. Another reason is that the offender believes that they haven’t did anything wrong.
They might think that the pain that you have is insignificant. Every person has their own moral compass. However, there are some offenses that are universally wrong such as lying, cheating, and abusing a person. If a person has a problem admitting that they are wrong, you might be dealing with a narcissist. However, if you are still reeling from the hurt, know that an apology is helpful but isn’t required to heal. The residue of hurt can linger especially if that person is close to you. However it is up to you to pick yourself and learn how to move on. Doing this can decrease your chances of experiencing the same hurt.
When a person refuses to apologize to you, this increases the chances of that person hurting you again. The chances of the aggressor repeating the offense heightens when you forgive them without them apologizing or acknowledge the wrong doing. Forgiving someone is not for the offender, it is for you. When you carry hurt, it causes you to carry a load of trauma which can lead to a path of bitterness and unhappiness. No matter how long it takes you, forgive the person that hurt you. If it is possible, remove them from your life. This can be difficult depending on the relationship and connection you have with that person.
If it is a family member, it is best to go your separate ways. Biologically being related to someone is not a pass for disrespect or abuse. If it is a spouse or partner, it is best to terminate the relationship especially if this is a long standing issue. When a person lacks the ability to apologize, that is a sign that they will intentionally hurt you again in the future. If the person is a friend, you must ask yourself were they truly ever your friend or were they using you for their own personal gain? Allowing people to constantly hurt you puts you in the position to become a repeat victim.
Unknowingly Becoming a Victim
When people know that you will accept anything, they will continue to hurt and spite you. To prevent yourself from becoming a victim, it is imperative to have self-respect and boundaries. If you do not set boundaries for the people in your life, you will find yourself being a door mat. You do not have to be disrespectful or belligerent to take up for yourself. State your peace and if people cannot accept that, let them go. It is better to be alone than to have people in your life that abuse you.
Be firm and assertive. Do not let yourself become a victim because if you do, every one that comes into your life will abuse you. This happens because people can sense when a person is weak, and they will try to take advantage of that. In the end, it does not matter if a person apologizes or not. The important thing is that you are comfortable and confident in you. Love and respect yourself and you will be able to get through anything.